open letter from my truck to all cars

July 9,2011

Since we have been cruising up and down I5 I dont have any oh crap i got lost story's, but my truck would like to say a few words.....

HANG UP THE DAMN PHONE AND NOTICE THE 53 FOOT LONG HOUSE DRIVING BESIDE YOU !!!!

WTH is the problem with you and merging? It really is not that hard.

You cars can all stop quicker and accelerate quicker than I can. It is YOUR responsibility to MERGE, When getting on the freeway YOU are in the MERGE lane. Heck sometimes there is a sign that reminds you to merge. That signs faces you not me.

                                           LIKE A ZIPPER IDIOT

I can not quickly change lanes and jerk the truck over to the left lane to let you in. I risk becoming unstable perhaps even rolling on top of you, because of you. 

If there is room I will change lanes. (and I thank you when you change lanes and allow me to merge safely) when I do move over to let you in, please let me back in the right hand lane. In most places I can get a ticket for driving out in the left lane for too long. My driver can not afford a ticket for being nice. If I am able let you in, please reciprocate and let me back in the right lane.

I can not stop to let you on the freeway, just because you could not decide weather to go in front or behind me. Make a decision and stick with it. I will make it work. Did you know it takes about 400 feet for me to stop when traveling 55mph. DO NOT continue to drive beside me until your lane ends then flip me off. Its not my drivers problem your driver cant merge.

Maybe you should all take a trip to Texas, those cowboys know how to merge.

                            giddy up

Another issue related to merging. When because of road work, accident, police activity or another reason the number of lanes reduces, do not wait till the last possible second to merge. You just hold up traffic.

You are not any more important than the person you are trying to get in front of. If you are in such a hurry perhaps you should have left the house earlier.  If you continue to refuse to merge early and help traffic continue to roll smoothly, a couple of trucks will help remind you there is a merge ahead.  We will drive side by side each other until you merge into the correct land behind one of us.  Then we can all continue on our merry way.

As long as I have your attention. When my driver turns on the blinker, that is not a signal for you to speed up. (That's how I know you saw my blinker, you speed up.) Really, it's not, I looked it up. It means for what ever reason I need that lane. maybe  because there is a police car on the right shoulder, stopped car, a hitchhiker or a three toed sloth

whatever the point is, at that moment It is illegal and more important unsafe for me to drive in the right hand lane. I'm not getting in the left lane just to get in front of you, I am not trying to ruin your view. (its not always about you)  and as soon as I pass the problem I will move back to the right hand lane, that is if you are not trying to zip around me and pass me on the right.  so my left blinker isn't a request for your permission to move to the left lane, its more of an announcement,  I need to move over,  (and since I saw you speedup, I know you saw my blinker so  here I come.)

Ladies, and I use that term loosely. Dont drive up, lift your shirt and show us your boobs.

Only one of my drivers is slightly amused anyway.

And for your information, if you dont have to wear a bra, they are not big enough to be called boobs. Grow a pair and we'll talk.

My driver loves and misses you all.